THIS I WONDER
- November 29th of 2011 the night was a little cold and the air had an eerie feeling to it. I had just put the children to bed and about to hop into bed myself when my cell phone rang. It's my mom, what could she want at this time of night, oh to say good night. 'Hey mom", "What are you doing?" "Getting ready for bed", "Are you sitting down, I need you to sit down." "What mom", "Clarence past."...
A rainy night in South Philly, a car pulls up in front of the house. The door barks, my mom gets up and put on her coat and attempts to kiss me good night but I pull away and run upstairs. I use to use these stairs as an exercise tool. They moan as if my fourteen year old skinny body was too heavy for them. She yells for me now I had 20/20 hearing and my mom could be really loud but the words fall on deaf ears. See this is the first night I was to meet him... "Clarence" my mom date and unbeknown to me my future stepfather. I had no idea that the events to follow would set the tone of our relationship.
As I said I ran upstairs, up to the third floor, I make quick work of the short hallway passing the first bedroom on the left,the bathroom then the other bedroom at the end,sharp u-turn to the right take the second staircase by twos. If you never been to S.P. just about every house is a three story row home so you can imagine that I was out of breath as I came to the top of the stairs to another bedroom making a right turn to go to the front bedroom. As I go in there is a bed on the floor under the right window and another under the left, I go look out the left one because its the one over the front door. I pour a glass of water out of the window and onto the umbrella which to my surprise did not do what it was made for.
They were soaked and my mom pissed. She came back in yelling for me, this time making sure that I heard her. I came running down the stairs faster than I came up them, probably because I was so scared and really didn't know how to react to what just happened and hearing my mom voice with so much intensity. Well needless to say I got the spanking of my life, have you ever heard the saying "Tie fire to your ass" well I felt that fire for a week.
Well over the next few weeks they went out and became close. I tried fighting by not being pleasant but still respectful towards Clarence, I mean it has been my mom and I since my father decided to betray us and I vowed to never let anyone in to hurt us again. Well it didn't work and within a few months they moved in together as I stayed at the house where I first met him. About six months later my mom came to get me so I may live with them and I could see how happy she was but I really had a problem adjusting to this new life that my mom has made for herself.
For the longest time I resented Clarence for coming between my mom and I as we seem to not be as close as we were and when we talked he always had to put his two cents in. As I started high school he tried to take more control in raising me as a man where as my mom took a laid back approach.
One morning my mother came to me to tell me that she was going to marry Clarence. WHAT!!! How can you tell me that after all we have been through my opinion holds no water rather or not you get married to this man or not. Well the marriage happened and I attended because it made my mother happy but I moved out a few weeks later.
After I moved out Clarence and I still had our boundaries, It wasn't until he was diagnosed with cancer and became very sick that we became close. We had a few years of getting reaquainted as I realized that he was my dad and not just my moms husband and it was because of him that I am a responsible man.
"I need you to sit down... Clarence past." Hearing those words always brings me back to when I first met him and I wonder had I not poured that water on him would we have been closer...? All that time wasted.